www.englishnomad.com - welcome to the future

It was an inevitable fate.

I want to keep this short and concise: unfortunately, I now join the ranks of the common MSN blogging scum that leave their blogs to decay and rot from negligence.

This blog, space or whatever you want to call it is dead. I can't be arsed to write any further bullshit as it hardly matters and no one gives a damn anyway.

To all bloggers: Hardly anyone cares about what you're writing. You can carry on prattling about your insignificant lives as long as you want and perhaps gain a comment or two from the likes of the dumbasses who commented in my previous entry, but that is all.

The only reason this space won't be deleted is because I'm a selfish bastard and I wish to reserve the 'Dragunov' name solely for myself.

Goodbye!

I remember the first time on the internet I was required to create a username for myself.

Ah, 'twas a beautiful sunny day, and following the advice of a friend, I was creating myself a Hotmail account. Back then I hadn't been exposed to any interaction with other jackass internet users so my mind was free from names that contained squiggly lines and alternating capitals such as '~@#dAwGz iN dA hOuSe#@~' and I settled for a rather humble 'jdalton@hotmail.com'. Hotmail, being the most popular e-mail service on the internet, refused it giving me the excuse that it was already taken. However, 'Hotmail would like to suggest the following alternatives:'

It gave me some bullshit like jdalton1995, jdalton007... I decided to enter jdalton2. Success! And so jdalton2 became my first username/nickname/alias on the internet.

I shall forever be shamed by the following set of nicknames I chose.

Thinking that jdalton2 was not 1337 enough as a nickname, out of the creative abyss of my mind, I came up with 'Blue Fire'. At the moment, I'm cringing with disgust. How could I possibly invent such a horrid and corny nickname?

Wait! There is more crap to come! I soon got bored with Blue Fire and thought up something along the lines of a covert army operation. Perhaps I was inspired by the movie Mission Impossible. Or perhaps I was just being a dumbass. Either way 'Mission Firefly' became my next great nickname.

After being taunted (I don't blame them) for such a name, I realised that, to retain my fleeting self-respect, it would be necessary to get a new nickname.

At this point in time, I acquired an MMORPG called Everquest (see Veteran Gamers) and was at a loss as to what to name my Half-Elf character. The Everquest random nickname generator then suggested the name 'Wemvarder'! What a 1337 name! Well, at least I thought it was at the time. I started to use it as my MSN nickname and got responses from my friends almost immediately: they all rallied round and took turns to make a moronic face and taunt me by saying Wemvarder with an Indian accent in a mocking manner... (the bastards!).

*sigh*... on to the next one! I locked myself away in the deep, dark, murky, prison-like depths of my room (this is what it's like on a good day) for days on end pondering over my next nickname. I was already having doubts as to how long this one would last.

Suddenly... a burst of light penetrated the ceiling and a holy orchestra of angelic singers came down to give me their praise and rid my home of the daemons that had for so long plagued me. A beautiful angel with long, lustrous, black hair (and a rather impressive bust) hovered closer to me and whispered, 'From here on you shall be known as... Dragunov'. Ignoring the obvious bulge in my trousers, I cried out, 'YES! - a message from the heavens!'

And so I ventured forth into the realm of the internet proudly displaying my newly found identity. Unfortunately, that treacherous angel has apparently visited a few others on the internet as they are also using MY nickname.

And here endeth the story of Dragunov and his Many Nicknames...

Please note that some of the events in this story did not actually take place but were merely written to make for a more interesting and amusing read

(yes, I realise this was posted before. I deleted the bloody thing by accident. Fortunately, I managed to get a backup)

In the beginning, God, er...Valve, bestowed upon man a most wonderous gift: Half-Life. The people rejoiced and scuttled to their homes to install this divine piece of software. How they treasured the moments they spent playing.

A mere few weeks later came news of the development of the 'mods'. An abbreviation for modification, a mod is simply that - a modification of the game that uses the same engine while incorporating new maps and weapons and perhaps different styles of gameplay.

Unfortunately, things got out of hand as little kiddies who had no idea how to make a mod tried to...well...make a mod. This resulted in hundreds, no thousands, of mods apparently being created.

The kiddies got excited once they got their mod's website up and, in their ecstatic state, attempted to impress the public through petty little drawings (sometimes referred to as concept art). Even models are made and public interest grows.

Time goes by and more concept art and more models are displayed. Combined with a flashy looking website, the public remains confident that the mod's release is just around the corner.

The useless 'nub' of a leader, however, has not yet realised that a freelance modeller and some prick who can make pretty drawings is not the makings of a proper team.

Then the 'Age of Deathly Silence' dawns upon the mod. No news is heard from it or its team for quite a while. And the reason is because the modellers are bloody fed up, the drawing prick has nothing else to draw, and the supposed leader is crying in the corner of his room trying to come to terms with his piss-poor attempt at a mod.

http://www.moddb.com is a good site for browsing the many potential mods that are of the nature described above. Let me just pick a few from Half-Life 2 that look like good candidates:

KiddyWars - last updated 20 months ago. The description of this pathetic project is 'It is about kids running around with spades and hitting eachother, throwing buckets, uses slingshots, BIG waterguns, etc.' - haven't heard of a more bollocks idea.

Urban Cowboys - last updated 21 months ago. Description: 'An hi-speed racing/gritty first person shooter combination. Innovative, fun, unique. Read the info and you will not be turned down.' - neither innovative nor unique and i'm already turned down after reading that shite.

National Crisis - last updated 19 months ago. Description: 'National Crisis is a first-person shooter modification for Valve's Half Life 2 in which players take part in a full-scale modern world war in which all Europe has collaborated against American forces in a quest for the last remaining oil fields. The player can choose to side with either team as the European army go to war with America with their finest soldiers and weaponry from all nations.' - what a wonderfully creative and imaginative story. I wonder how the gameplay would have been like. In the immortal words of Pablo Francisco this is the 'same shit we've seen over and over again'.

I don't know about the rest of you but I find that some aspects of my personality (mainly my style of speech) differ depending on the people i'm talking to. Despite what you may think, this occurs in a rather natural manner.

The best example I could pick to describe this phenomenon would be what ocassionally happens when I talk to members of the opposite sex - I somehow develop a stronger English accent. It is even hard to shake off after noticing it. Why? After giving this much thought I have come to the amusing conclusion that the answer lies within the mentality of ancient man.

It is a well-known fact that ancient man would seldom venture from his cosy little cave, only doing so for two reasons:

1. To eat
2. To engage in such actions that would bring about the next generation of his species

Of course, to find a suitable partner to accomplish the second action he would have to prove himself a worthy hunter and provider. See the end of my previous entry entitled Women to view my hunter attributes. You will notice that they are non-existant.

So basically, when I come into contact with a woman, the part of my brain that is still tied to its ancient man roots seeks to impress this woman - purely in the interests of mankind of course!

Another example is when I find myself talking to a superior authority. In this case, I tend to prolong my sentences through the use of extensive vocabulary. I probably do it to sound professional.

With friends around, I tend to swear more often than I usually would. The reason is that I feel the most free around friends.

Like many others, I am a bit of a lazy arse. The one thing I hate the most about myself is not having the ability to finish a long-term project. I've tried and tried before but I can never bring myself to continue anything for a lengthy period of time. Sports such as football, rugby and squash and small ventures of mine concerning the computer have failed miserably as I lacked the enthusiasm to carry on.

My father being a sports diver in the British Sub Aqua Club (BSAC), it was he who first suggested I start learning to dive. I shrugged the recommendations off as I thought i'd probably lose interest within the first few days. After much persuasion I eventually decided to contact the only diving club in Sharjah (as far as I know) located within an elite community called the Sharjah Wanderers.

What is amusing is that the Sharjah Wanderers is mainly a club for European (mostly British) members in that if you look like a non-European foreigner the gate guard will fob you off with an excuse. It is also one of the two places in Sharjah where the consumption of certain illegal beverages is permitted (how could we Brits survive without a good supply of booze, eh?).

Anyway, a friend and I arrived there about two weeks ago to discuss the various issues of our membership to the diving club and we encountered this infamous gate guard. He gestured us to halt and with much haste jumped out of his little room to question us. No, he didn't ask whether we were members of the club. No, he didn't ask what we were doing here. In fact, he didn't seem to give a damn when I tried to explain that we had to meet with the diving instructor.

His first question: 'Where are you from?'
Nonchalantly, I replied, 'England.'
His attitude then completely changed with that one word reply. A smile rapidly creeped up his face and he shook my hand as if we were best friends.
Then he noticed my Lebanese companion behind me.
'And you - same?'
'Yeah, same,' he replied rather quickly.

Hehe. Rather surprisingly, that got us in and we met with all the dive club members there as the Annual General Meeting (AGM) for the dive club was taking place that day.

The dive club offers a classic British pub atmosphere - an excess of beer and an excess amount of laughter. Good stuff.

I was to take my first underwater training lesson today but it's been postponed until Wednesday.

With God's good grace (and perhaps a little bit of willpower from my side) i'll be a BSAC diver within a month or two.

Teenage society nowadays is pitiful. Go to your local shopping centre and you'll find yourself amongst the low-lifes, the filthy peasants of the modern world - the street scum.

In England, they're referred to as 'chavs' which by Wikipedia definition is 'a derogatory slang term currently in popular usage throughout England. It refers to a subculture negatively-stereotyped as being uneducated, uncultured and prone to antisocial or immoral behavior. The label is typically (although not exclusively) applied to teenagers and young adults of white working class or lower-middle class origin.'

Of course, this scum is not exclusive to England. One can smell their stench even here in the United Arab Emirates. In fact, their kind is quite abundant here in the UAE hence the reason for the creation of this entry.

How does one identify this street filth? It's actually pretty easy. They usually hang around in groups to protect themselves from looking like complete morons. A baseball cap (or one depicting a famous rap star) is usually turned the wrong way round on their head. Most importantly, though, is that because they look so stupid, they have to redeem themselves somehow. This is why you'll see them walking like they have a broken leg as they travel from one music store to the next. Also, extra accessories are sometimes present such as long, silver chains that they wear round their necks and bandanas that they wrap around their heads. Occasionally, you may also be able to see them performing a few moronic hand gestures.

Chav checklist:

1. Cheap sporting attire
2. Chain necklace/dog tags
3. Inverted cap of some sort
4. Walks with a limp
5. Bandana
6. Listens incessantly to rap
7. Makes stupid hand gestures when listening to rap

But now onto the subject of this entry - why I hate street scum. Why do I hate them? Yes, I have a reason for detesting their kind. How can you respect a group of 'people' that lacks the individuality to form their own tastes and opinions and as a result opts for the easy option - join the filthy masses and adhere to their fashion blindly thinking that somehow they may be looked up upon.

I was born in 1988 which doesn't exactly make me eligible for the title 'Veteran Gamer' but I know a thing or two about the history of games (at least for the past ten years) and what made them great.

When I was small, my first true gaming console was a cosy little system called 'Pegasus'. Don't let the snazzy name fool you! This console was basically a rip-off of the Nintendo. All the same, I spent countless hours glued to the TV screen enjoying games like Adventure Island and Super Mario Bros. A year or two later, I was introduced to the PC at the age of six. It didn't impress me that much (probably because all I could do was play Solitaire on my dad's already antiquated NEC laptop.

Now, I may only be 16, but I feel old in the sense that the younger generation are being brought up in a gaming industry that seems to have forgotten what makes games great. No, it is not how good the graphics are. Why do we play games? It is but the drive that keeps bringing us back for more. It is the essence of our gaming souls. It is...gameplay.

A moment of silence please to kneel in praise of the gaming companies that were adventurous enough to invest their time, money and effort into developing unique, replayable games. Here is a list of a few games (in no particular order) that I thoroughly enjoyed playing and that I think deserve their places in my Hall of Gaming Fame:

1. Super Mario Bros

Is any explanation necessary? Play as a pudgy character resembling an Italian pizza chef and guide him through different levels avoiding (or squishing) the nasty enemies and sometimes jumping down a network of green pipes to gain some extra goodies. I spent my childhood years trying to finish this game and failed. To this day, I have never had the courage to go back and try to finish the last level that I worked so hard to reach.

2. Everquest

This game deserves the honour of the ultimate Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG to most of us) title simply because after acquiring it, my internet bill shot up twofold.

In the Everquest world, you can create a character from different races, decide his/her class and then go forth in search of adventure and dainty damsels in scantily clad attire! Er...no, not quite, actually. The only 'women' I could ever attract were ones from the Barbarian race. Ah, but nevertheless I used to play this game everyday even having to endure a 56k connection. My daily schedule would be: wake up -> school -> Everquest -> bed. Inevitably, this lead to my parents threatening to take away my internet connection. With silent tears, I was forced to leave this great game as my half-Elven character, Wemvarder, decided to take a dive off one of the boats from Freeport into the sea. There his body was lost to us all...but his spirit still remains.

3. Command & Conquer: Red Alert

When it came to Real-Time Strategy (RTS) games, Red Alert was up there near the top in my opinion. It was also the first game I ever bought for my PC. It is based in a fictional post-World War II setting where Hitler is removed from the timeline thus preventing World War II from occurring. Unfortunately, with Hitler removed, the future is affected and the world is threatened with the build up of the Soviet Union.

4. Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II

The Star Wars universe packed into a First-Person Shooter (FPS). Playing in the footsteps of Kyle Katarn, your goal is to stop the sinister Jerec from attaining ultimate power in the Valley of the Jedi. I remember the day I got Dark Forces II. It was Christmas, the presents were being handed out and I received a rectangular-shaped parcel. Judging by the size, weight and approximate dimensions of the package, my little, under-developed brain began to crank into gear eventually bringing me to the conclusion that I had certainly been given a computer game as a prezzy. To the sounds of 'Jingle Bells', I viciously ripped open the package like a man (boy) possessed. Yes...YES! Breathing deeply, I turned to the nearest person and said in my deepest possible voice, 'If only you knew the power of the dark side!'

I actually got scolded for going home to play the game instead of celebrating with friends and family. Ack, Christmas comes once a year, Dark Forces II comes only once in a lifetime!

5. Curse of Monkey Island

And what games list would be complete without an adventure game? Despite only having to use your mouse in Curse of Monkey Island, it is a game that deserves recognition for successfully combining humour, wit and a large Scottish pirate named Haggis McMutton.

Where is the adventure genre nowadays? It is dead. Brought to its knees by the onslaught of boring, repetitive shooters that the gaming industry continuously churns out in response to the masses.

6. Age of Empires

The beginning of the Age of Empires series that continues even today with AOE III scheduled for a release later on this year. I don't really know what made AOE that special. Somehow Ensemble Studios were able to combine the best elements of an RTS along with a nifty scenario editor that provided me with endless entertainment. For reasons I can't remember, Age of Empires deserves its place in history alongside the great RTS games.

This is in no way an ultimate list but merely a list of games that I can remember enjoying as a young boy.

I know I risk losing all credibility and reputation by pursuing this touchy subject - women - but I'm still lacking as to what the subject of this blog should be.

Er, before I begin on my journey of further knowledge, one question vexes me: why the hell don't we already have a better understanding of the opposite sex after 200,000 years of Homo Sapien's existence.

During the period of early man, the great Fred Flintstone once said, 'Barney, I don't think we'll ever understand women...'. If we have failed for such a long period of time there can be only two causes: either women have been adapting over the centuries to exceed our own advances becoming more and more complex or we men are just too stupid (I can almost hear the women who are reading this thinking to themselves, 'Uh huh! That's right!'). I would prefer it if the answer were not the latter but I haven't quite the proof to dismiss it totally yet.

The past century has seen the rise of the female species as a power to be reckoned with. An immense change has taken place and we men are faced with a threatening situation. Women stride across the busy streets of major cities supporting families. Women lead successful companies to future profit. Women work in jobs that were originally male-dominated now. It seems they are quickly becoming the hunters we once prided ourselves in being. And what do I do? Well, I slouch on my comfortable, swivelling chair and, out of lack of better idleness, write down what comes to my mind in this blog - a true hunter.

It has recently dawned upon me that I, being the fortunate individual that I am, have managed to claim the name 'Dragunov' for my MSN space. However, I realised that I haven't been making the best of this space (as a matter of fact, this festering corpse of a blog has been neglected for the past month or two).

So one day (today) I decided to bring it to life and honour the motto 'Where the wise men come forth...'. Unfortunately, my attempt was brought to a halt by a rather annoying predicament faced by all MSN Space users - what the hell am I supposed to write?

But, then, as if an answer to my 'prayer', it appeared on the right side of the screen: 'Not sure what to write about? Take a look at other spaces on the Updated Spaces page, and then write about some of the great content you find there.'

Yes, it was MSN that came to my rescue and I happily browsed away at a few, random spaces hoping that I would somehow be struck with a brilliant idea (or, even better, steal one from someone else). If only it were that simple...

What a disgraceful mess of half-arsed projects that were obviously started with a rush of enthusiasm which gradually waned after a few days: half the titles are written in supposed 'fashionable' format by imbeciles who obviously haven't grasped the fundamentals of Grade 2 grammar.

As amusing an idea it is for a subject, I don't think I have the willpower to view more of the drivel written by some of the other MSN Space users.

Any creative thoughts would be appreciated. Perhaps a link or two to a respectable blog might help as well.